I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
