Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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