I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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