New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
