Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
