Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
