My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
