so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
