Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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