I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
