Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
