What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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