im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
