i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
