idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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