just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
