Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love having hate sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
