just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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