Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
