well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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