I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
