friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
