Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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