Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
