my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
