i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
