when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just found a bag of teeth...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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