where am i from again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I miss vodka workout Fridays
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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