I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
