is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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