Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
