this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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