Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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