He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
