i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
