We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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