her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
