I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
