if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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