my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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