i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
