Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
