ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize