She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
