I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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