Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
