elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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