sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
