i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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