Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
