Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
