I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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