Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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