Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
