Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
