It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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