Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pants are for mortals
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
