Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
