the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize