I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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