If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
