I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
