God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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