What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
