you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
