Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
