He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize