I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
