yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
