11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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