So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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