Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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