At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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