Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
