I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
