She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
