pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
