Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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