I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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