I just pynch a tree in the face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize