I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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