i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
