apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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