I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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