Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
