sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my sisters under your porch take her home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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